Tips on being annoying:-

  • hit someone with a 4x2, repeatedly
  • threaten to fed them to your goldfish
  • hit them with the above goldfish, repeatedly
  • if someone tells you to stop doing something, don't
  • Watch Star Trek and dicuss episodes with your friends.
  • construct your own pretend "Tricorder"."Scan" people with it and annonce your findings
  • Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
  • lie obviously about trivial things, like the time of day
  • always run late
  • make up stupid stories to explain your lateness
  • try to use as little punctuation as possible to make things harder to read
  • foraddedeffectpretendyourspacebardoesntwork
  • give all your friends the nicknames buttmunch and the badger
  • exclaim "great ceasers goast" as often as possible
  • tell people thier appliences are broken
  • memorize useless facts and recite at random (e.g. the average television screen has 280000 little green/red/blue dots on it, the speed of light is 300000000 meters per second)
  • write lists telling others how to be annoying
  • e-mail someone the same thing over and over agian, repeat indefinatly
  • give people death stares
  • blow rasberries
  • take a slinky everywhere you go
  • if you are ever alone with someone elses computer, change thier printer settings, and the speed on thier mouse so they can't double click anymore
  • if you are ever alone with a computer at you're place of education, download a porno backround. this works especialy well in university lecture thearters where the computer is hooked up to a projector and screen
  • Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist that you "like it that way".
  • Remove the knobs from the about mentioned TV so others cannot "fix" the tint.
  • Drum on every available surface.
  • Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
  • Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
  • Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  • Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
  • Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
  • Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
  • Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go".
  • Set alarms for random times.
  • Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip...."
  • Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
  • Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
  • Leave your Nine Inch Nails in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
  • Publically investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
  • Honk and wave to strangers.
  • Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
  • Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
  • Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies.
  • Wear your pants backwards.
  • Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
  • Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
  • Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
  • ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  • only type in lowercase.
  • dont use any punctuation either
  • Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route whole streets.
  • Pay for your dinner with pennies.
  • Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
  • Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
  • Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
  • Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
  • Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
  • Light road flares on a birthday cake.
  • Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
  • Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
  • Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
  • Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
  • At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
  • When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
  • Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
  • As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
  • Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
  • Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
  • Leave your turn signal on for fifty kays.
  • Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
  • Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.
  • Drive half a block.
  • Name your dog "Dog".
  • Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
  • Ask people what gender they are.
  • Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think!"
  • Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
  • Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "really funny!!!".
  • Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
  • Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Detol.
  • Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
  • While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet or move your tounge like a lizard.
  • Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  • Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
  • Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "A".
  • Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  • Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
  • Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  • Wear a LOT of cologne.
  • Ask to "interface" with someone.
  • Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
  • Sing along at the opera.
  • Mow your lawn with scissors.
  • Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
  • Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
  • Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  • Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
  • Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
  • Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".
  • Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
  • Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
  • Never make eye contact.
  • Never break eye contact.
  • Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  • Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
  • Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action.
  • Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  • Make appointments for the 31st of September.
  • Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
  • Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
  • Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about politics, current affairs, etc.Forward the mail to a friend and ask them to settle the disagreement.
  • Page yourself over intercoms. (Don't disguise your voice.)
  • Name all your pens and insist that meetings/classes/work can't begin until they're all present.
  • Come to work in your pyjamas.
  • If you have a job, find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
  • If you have a corparate job, put a picture of your mother on your bussiness card
  • Make up nicknames for all your friends and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
  • Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
  • Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.
  • Send email to friends telling them exactly what you're doing on an hourly basis.
  • No matter what anyone asks you, reply "Okay."
  • Grow mould in any spare china and coffee cups.
  • Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty drink cans.
  • Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
  • Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
  • Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
  • Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair. Use them when others enter the room to make "Captins Logs".
  • "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
  • Email nude gifs (graphic image files) of yourself to your friends. Tell them you got them off the Internet.
  • Hang mistletoe everywhere.
  • Include a personal note on every email you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
  • Decorate your living room with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children or siblings.
  • For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in a fish tank. If no one notices, take off your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.
  • Put decaf in a coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

    I will not be held responsible for any backfiring... Good luck!!!